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DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T stop thinking about my husband’s affair – and it’s torture.
Images of them kissing in his car and having passionate sex constantly play through my mind.
Having gone through his phone, I read all the graphic messages detailing the sexual things they did together.
Now, whether I’m on the school run, at work or even having sex with him, thoughts of them constantly invade my mind.
I’m exhausted and struggling to understand how he could do this to our family.
I’m 38 and he’s 42. We’ve got two kids, aged three and five, and have been married for 11 years.
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Until three years ago I never had any reason to doubt him, our relationship had been perfect.
Then one day I caught him messaging women online. Nothing physical had happened and we were able to move on from it.
He promised me that he would never do it again and dismissed it as a lapse of judgement.
However, four months ago I had a gut feeling something was amiss when he changed his phone password and started staying late at work.
Eventually, he came clean when I saw a text message pop up on his phone from a woman I didn’t know.
He had been sleeping with a woman at work for over two months.
I was heartbroken and felt like my whole world had fallen apart.
He grovelled and I gave him another chance but, ever since, I haven’t been able to move on from the hurt he has caused me.
I can’t understand why he would put the life we had built together on the line like that.
And despite all of his efforts to make it up to me, everything still feels tainted.
DEIDRE SAYS: Betrayal can erode a relationship and building back that trust can take time.
Be honest with your husband and explain how you feel. Tell him how much his affair hurt you.
With the right support, it is possible to make it past an affair but this is something you will have to do together.
Consider relationship counselling – relate.org.uk help couples heal.
It will take some hard work and commitment from both of you to really look at what’s been going wrong, but the pain caused and suffered by this affair will be a motivation to get back on track.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will also help you to move on.
