A 30-YEAR-OLD swinger has said the sex-swapping lifestyle is more common than people think — and it’s hardly the STI-ridden underworld they imagine.
VistaWife told The U.S. Sun that she and her husband, Gage, have been happily married for over a decade, about half of which they’ve spent having sex with other people.
VistaWife detailed what it’s really like to be in a swinging marriage, from the methods they use for finding new partners to how they spot like-minded couples in public.
She and her husband have been together since they were teens, and it wasn’t until five years into their marriage that they let anyone else into the bedroom.
Since then, they’ve explored swapping partners with other couples, solo dates with new people, and wild sex parties at private clubs where there are “so many naked people.”
But free love isn’t a free-for-all: She and Gage have clear rules to avoid jealousy, awkward moments, and of course, STIs.
“We’d got together quite young,” said VistaWife, who keeps her real name under wraps.
She and Gage met when she was 17 and said “I do” when she was 20 — but before they got together, she’d been sexually adventurous.
So when, five years into marriage, he asked if she would ever be with a woman, she admitted that she already had been — setting up a long conversation about their fantasies and desires.
Soon after, he learned about a swinging website — and VistaWife was “so shocked to see that we live in such a small little town and there were so many people around us.”
Before they knew it, they were chatting with another couple in their mid-20s who lived near them in Lincolnshire, England, and “it kind of just spiraled from there.”
“Afterwards, we were like, why have we never done this before? Because it was absolutely amazing,” she recalled.
They began meeting up with other couples. At first, they’d only have sex all together in one room, but later they started to occasionally branch off.
“At one point, we met another couple and we did a separate room swap,” she said.
They set a timer and the men switched, and each had their fun until the timer went off.
“And then we all met back up and explained to each other what had happened,” she said. “Oh my God, that was amazing.”
VistaWife also went on her own solo dates with men, and eventually, Gage did with women as well.
But from the beginning, the couple had established ground rules that have evolved over time.
“We’ve always talked about the boundaries beforehand and what we do like and what we don’t like, and then it’s kind of just like, ‘Have fun,'” she said.
If something makes either of them uncomfortable, they make a rule about it.
For example, VistaWife is totally OK with her husband having sex with other women — but not romancing them.
“I don’t like intimacy and things like that,” she said. “I don’t want emotional things.
“So I set a rule that if my husband plays on his own, [he doesn’t] go on a date. They just might have a drink and then go up to a hotel room, but then he doesn’t stay the night.”
Gage, meanwhile, likes to be included in his wife’s adventures after the fact.
“My rule from my husband is if I play alone, it’s always filmed. There are always pictures and videos because that’s what he likes.
“He gets a kick out of that, and he feels like he’s sharing the experience with me,” she said.
Taking those steps means there’s no resentment or hurt feelings.
“There are no jealousy issues at all,” she said.
“My jealousy would be if he took someone on a date. If he wined and dined this girl.
“If he booked a hotel room and spent the night and had a romantic weekend away, that would make me jealous. So that’s something that we don’t do.”
There are rules when they’re together, too, like using a code word that signals to the other that they feel uncomfortable.
They’ve changed it over time, but VistaWife said she used to ask Gage to get her lemonade when she wanted out of a situation.
“We can veto each other as well,” she went on.
If one of them doesn’t like the look or feel of someone the other is talking to, they can tell them to stop texting — no questions asked.
“The other person has to be 100 percent comfortable in that situation,” she said.
“I think our rules and boundaries have changed over time. Obviously, it was always that we do things together as a team.”
One thing that’s never changed is being smart about using condoms.
“We always use protection, like 100 percent protection, all the time,” she said.
That’s especially true when they go to parties at sex clubs, where things can get a bit wild.
One of their regular hangouts “looks like a nightclub inside” with a “massive bar” and dance floors — and a little something extra.
“There are lockable playrooms you can use if you’ve met someone else and you don’t want anybody watching or trying to join in.
“Or if you want to be with everybody, there’s a massive orgy bed.
“It’s strange when you first go in because you’re like, ‘Oh my God, there’s so many naked people!'”
They also like the Penthouse Playrooms, a club next to an auto parts store that’s a 20-minute drive from London’s Luton airport.
“It is purely just there for being a lifestyle club. So the beds are permanent, everything’s permanent.
“It’s got a dungeon downstairs. And they’ve also got hot tubs as well downstairs next to the dungeon.”
While Fridays are singles nights and there’s a midweek “MILF club,” Saturdays are “strictly couples and single women” at most clubs.
Here, too, everyone’s safe.
“I get told like, ‘Oh my God, everybody must have STIs and diseases,’ and that’s one of the misconceptions really,” VistaWife said.
“Everybody wears protection. Everybody’s got condoms and everybody gets really tested as well.”
The not-so-secret swinging symbol
“The upside-down pineapple is becoming a major thing,” VistaWife said.
Swingers may use the fruity icon in a variety of ways — as jewelry, in their social media bios, or as bumper stickers on their cars.
“I’ve got pineapple necklaces, I’ve got pineapple earrings,” she said. “People might have an upside-down pineapple ornament or a picture in the bathroom or something like that.”
The pineapple signals to those in the know that you’re a member of the community.
VistaWife said she can tell if someone else is, too, by how they react to her pineapple jewelry: Another woman might compliment it with a knowing tone to indicate that she’s also a swinger.
Ultimately, VistaWife and her husband say swinging works for them because they’ve built a strong foundation — and what doesn’t work is when couples try to use swinging to repair a broken relationship.
“I always say to people, don’t swing to fix a marriage. It’s just not going to work. You can’t put swinging as a BandAid and be like, ‘Yeah, this is gonna help.’
“If you can’t talk to your partner about sex and your desires and wants, it’s not going to work, because both of you need to be 100 percent into it, and you both should be getting the things out of it the same.
“Because we started it together and we were both in it together and experiencing all these new things together as a team, that’s why the jealousy never occurred,” she explained.
“By then we’d built up this foundation.
“And then even when we’ve started playing off on our own, we still kind of involve each other anyway.
“So we’re always doing it together. And there never seems to be any hard feelings about anything, really.”